this makes me happy

Today was a good day. I finished my very last day of work. I'm officially full-term & if Babes decided to make her appearance now, it would be okay. 

And, my very favorite catalog came in the mail. I put it where I could see it plainly & made myself finish some unsavory tasks before I allowed myself to open its thick paper cover. To flip through it requires setting a scene: I made some tea & poured it in an old vintage tea cup. I moved some flowers to my desk & arranged everything neatly so I could just sip my tea & casually turn the pages without being distracted by ugliness or clutter. Just looking at it makes me happy. It reminds me of my sisters. I don't need to buy anything from it: I just like to admire the lush photography & imagine my house full of its beautiful random pretties. When I am done, I will file it away somewhere to be brought out again & again. Each time it will make me happy.

It makes me stop & look around me for beauty in unexpected places. Ironically, it makes me more content & determined to make do & upcycle what I already have, rather than need to buy & surround myself with things that will make me "happy". I remember an old hobnailed vase I have in the cupboard that would look lovely with flowering tree branches in it. I see how painting one chair an unexpected color spices up the kitchen table. Dishes that are stored away for special events suddenly seem totally appropriate for everyday.

Little things suddenly have value & importance. I know that I am blessed beyond measure & have a life just brimming with vibrance.

All this from one catalog that comes for free in the mail!

the Califamily in Oregon

I had the wonderful opportunity to host my previous hosts over the weekend. It was absolutely lovely to see them all again--to pick up where we'd left off almost two years ago (can it really be that long already?!). Their visit was all too brief, only one night, but we packed in as much as we could. 

The boys loved the golf course & even got Dar to get up early Sunday morning to play some croquet on it:)). I'm so glad Oregon put her best foot forward so they'll want to come back. It was a sunny, verdant day when they arrived & the daffodils & plum trees did their best to impress the Southern Californians. 

Some things have changed since I last saw them: the boys are getting woefully close to passing me up in height, Sophie is more mature than ever, I have my own personal little charge coming up, Will is in school. Some things haven't changed since I last saw them: they still love Irish coffee blondies:), Clint still imbibes iced coffee, the boys still try to dodge hugs when I see them, & the front seat of my Buick is as sought-after as ever. 

Here's a photo from this trip & one from two years ago. Oh my! I'm even wearing heels!

My hiatus in California seems like a dream. Did I really live there in the eternal sunshine & mountains? Did I really have pomegranates growing along my driveway & an avocado orchard across the valley? Did I really get to enjoy learning these three little people's quirks & isms & be part of their everyday lives? Did I really get to be friends with their parents & a slew of people from church? It was such a gift to be part of their everydays, and be at their dinner table, & be part of the pet chores & see them at their most genuine & real--in the good moments & not so good moments. 

I thank God for those six months. And wait expectantly for the Califamily to come back to visit Oregon, for longer next time. 

Valentine's Day 2015

I'm not a roses/chocolate kind of girl. Roses are over-rated & I like chocolate in small, dark doses. Am I a make-a-really-good-dinner-at-home-with-my-man kind of girl? You bet! Dar planned the menu & did most of the cooking. That, people, is pure luxury these days. Even if he weren't an excellent chef, (which he is), it would be so nice to just sit back & watch someone else cook. 

 The menu:

Marinated Lamb Leg Chops-which were to die for! We decided then & there we will raise lambs. 

Fresh Green Beans

Roasted Fingerling Potatoes

Creamy Parmesan Mushrooms

Italian Salad

Creme Brulee

My biggest regret was that baby is taking up more than her share of abdominal space & I couldn't eat nearly the amount I wanted to. 

 Oh, & while I may not be a roses kind of girl, I sure am a pluck a bouquet from the garden kind of girl. The daffodils aren't quite in full swing yet, but Dar thoughtfully picked them days ago & forced them open inside so he'd have some to give me on Valentine's Day. He's pretty sweet.

And on another note: here are a few simple watercolors I had fun doodling out in honor of the day of love. I'd love to sell this kind of thing on etsy, but I'm not quite there yet. Someday though!

And I can't claim to be the creator of these sweet little notes, but they were sure fun to get in the mail from my three oldest nephews--even if the main topic of conversation was to tell Riley hi & to make sure I have a boy! And, testimony to being sisters, these notes looked oddly familiar to me when I opened them. I finally remembered: they were a free print-off from a Seattle lady's blog I follow. Unbeknownst to both of us, my sister & I were following the same blog! (jonesdesigncompany.com if you're interested. Lots of cute little tutorials & inspiration for everyday life.)

So, that's my 2015 Valentine's Day in a nutshell. Wonderfully loved, I am.

baby moon

"Babymoon" is such a trendy term that evokes images of upper middle class Americans who live comfortably & have nice savings accounts & 10 year plans. I'm a little embarrassed to have gone on one. But I suppose we are middle class Americans with a savings account (whether or not there is always something in it is another story). And I did want one last little getaway before we become a threesome. I'm glad we went. 

It was nice to be just the two of us.

  Despite less than ideal weather--the worst storm of the winter was scheduled to hit the day we were there--we had a lovely time. We agonized over spending a little more money for an oceanfront room, but we went for it, thinking we might be spending the majority of our stay inside watching gales of wind & torrents of rain from our window. It didn't end up being quite that bad. We were able to go on a dusky beach walk with some peeps of pink sunset sky. The next morning we woke to sunshine & the crash of waves & a view that makes ones heart ache a little it's so beautiful & wild. It was absolute luxury to be able to sip good coffee & see the never-ending waves crashing relentlessly around Haystack Rock & on the sand--all from bed! 

 Sometimes I still have to stop & just wonder that I'm in such a beautiful place. That I'm married to such a sweet, godly man. That we are going to be...parents? Parents! soon. That God has brought me on such an unpredictably wonderful journey. I never imagined this is how my life would look six years ago. Six years ago, I was getting ready to go to Haiti on a mission trip with a troubled heart & no real relationship with my Savior. The future looked so hard & bleak & impossible. I didn't know what to do. Feelings of helplessness & quiet despair filled me. It's still hard to explain how I was able to give it all to Jesus & let Him carry my burdens & learn to trust Him. But really, all that matters, praise God, I was able to!

 And now this is my life: all three of us & an overwhelming sense of peace that no matter what life brings, I am not alone.

Thank God for His faithfulness!

Farm life update no. 5

It's hard to believe it's January here, with the sunshine and warm weather we've been having. The farm is coming to life. (As are its occupants.) Dar's been putting in a trellis system to set up an irrigation system in a young blueberry field. I've been taking lunch out to him & we have a low key picnic in the sunshine the past few days.  

The slow pace of winter is speeding up, delightfully so. Little calves are being born in the pasture, lambs frolic at the neighbors and I've got babies on the brain too. I'm so glad I'm due in the spring. It just feels right: everything is budding and blooming, shaking off the winter. Now, like our birthing class teacher told us, I probably shouldn't be so excited. Spring, and our little one, are probably not quite ready to be here yet. But with the filbert trees budding, Dar getting home later & later (my biggest clue that spring is coming), temperatures in the 60s, & crocuses, CROCUSES, popping up, I'm having a hard time reining in my spring fever. 

The blueberry bushes are still wearing their  glorious scarlet winter wear, but it seems like they've already started to put on a tinge of green. The Sinn family has migrated from their winter hibernation of evenings spent sipping tea around the fire to being outdoors en masse. 

And what else do you do when it's a glorious warm day but wash all the vehicles? (I strategically parked mine so it would make it in the line up.)

A filbert bud. 

And how better to enjoy the farm & good life than a long walk around the dirt & growing green things with the entire clan?  That's something I appreciate about the Sinn family: everyone's always up for a jaunt through the fields to scope out the land & get a better view of Mt. Hood. They are so good at being spontaneous & taking advantage of the fleeting moment. Because tomorrow, it could be foggy. (We've had a very mild winter here: not much rain. Lots of fog, though. The days of sunshine break it up nicely however, & I think I'm safe saying I will successfully survive my second PNW winter.)

And I'll end this farm update with a parting shot of our favorite Sinn niece. She is as full of spunk as she looks!

a life well-lived

Monday morning, dear Grammy passed from this life. She left this life the way she lived it; not splashy or dramatic, but just peacefully & graciously slipping away with her loved ones around her. She was an ordinary woman of seemingly little importance by the world's standards. But to her family, & everyone that knew her, she was a jewel of a woman. I didn't have the opportunity to know her as long as most; I heard about her from my friend, then sister-in-law Carmen, before I got to know her as my own Grammy. But even then, I admired her spunk & bright outlook on life. She worked really hard raising her family when her husband was confined to a wheelchair. Life didn't always treat her gently. She had a child, husband, & grand-children precede her in death. But I never got the sense that she was bitter about any of it. She'd tell me when I'd go visit her on sunny afternoons after eating lunch with Dar on the farm, "It'd be easy to look around at this world & all its problems & get down. But really, here in our little part of the world, we've still got it pretty good." Then she'd look out her big living room window at Mt. Hood rising majestically over the blueberry fields, embroidery in her lap, and I knew she was happy. She loved her little home so much. It wasn't fancy, it wasn't much, but she felt safe & enclosed in it & appreciated it. In the days before she died, she would say, "I just hope that whoever lives here after me appreciates this little house as much as I did." 

People outside of her small circle of influence will never know what they missed out on by not knowing Marion Sinn. But she radiated peace & contentment, no matter what her circumstances were. Knowing her makes me want to be more content wherever I am, with whatever I have now. I see how people felt so comfortable dropping by her house, calling her on the phone (it was a rare occurrence to be at her house & not have the phone ring from someone just wanting to chat) & I want my life to be that way. She makes me embrace being "just a mom" because I see how much influence & difference she made in the world by loving her children & grandchildren & just quietly praying for them & teaching them by a godly, consistent example. If, at the end of my life, I have been a fraction of the woman Grammy was, I will have lived a life well-lived. 

nine weeks to go

Only nine weeks to go...our home is filling up with bright, plastic baby accessories. We've started birthing classes (yikes!). I catch myself almost waddling. I'm not really ready for a baby. But I can't wait to meet our little one, too. My mind fluctuates between panic & excitement.

I've been panicking that I can't do this after all. That I'll think our baby's ugly. 

That I won't be able to handle labor. 

That I'll love the baby more than Dar. 

That he'll love the baby more than me. 

That I'll no longer care about my nieces & nephews I'll be so absorbed in my own child.

That I'll have a stillborn & be more sad about the wasted nine months than the loss of my baby.

That I'll lose my patience when they cry & shake them to smithereens.

That the sleepless nights will ruin my marriage.

Life as we know it will change. I know it's a positive change. Everyone tells me you'd never go back to being just the two of you, even with the sleepless nights & teething & frustrations. And I truly believe them. The first time my baby, my baby, reaches for me because I am their mother & the one who can comfort & love them best will be worth it all. It seems so narcissistic in words, but I can't wait to be the one they love best. And as much involvement I've had with my niblings & nannying in California, my own child will be solely my responsibility. And with that weighty responsibility comes an even greater fulfillment, I suspect. 

I'm so grateful for the people surrounding me that love their children & embody patience & grace towards them when I think I'd go nuts in their shoes. It gives me hope:). Not that there won't be mistakes made, or times of frustration, or moments of feeling helpless, but at the end of the day, I see them tiptoe into their children's darkened room & kiss their sleepy little heads no matter what that day was like. And that is what I focus on when I eye the flight of steps going into our apartment & think how many times I will lug this baby up & down. It will be worth it!

While we excitedly await the arrival of this little one, though, there is another loved one we are saying goodbye to. Grammy doesn't seem to have much time left here. I feel unqualified to talk about how much I love her & how much I've learned from her. She is an amazing, strong, spunky lady who let the hardships, & they were hard, of her life make her better, not bitter. Her family has the utmost love & respect for Grammy & will miss her terribly. Pray for them & her, that these moments could be sweet & beautiful & not too full of pain.