six months ago...

 Ah, the past few evenings have been absolutely perfect. Despite consistently beautiful weather, I've been savoring the hazy early evenings like I haven't seen the sun in months. I tuck myself on the "new" patio furniture Becca rescued from the Neighbor's and let the thrum of bees in the air lull me into a very pleasant state of mind. Perhaps knowing that my days of basking & smelling the orange blossoms are numbered makes me take the time to enjoy these evenings. My life right now is probably as uncomplicated as it will ever be, I know that. When I think about the last 6 months, I just feel so unworthily grateful.

 Six months ago, I was in Illinois, rushing about, trying to balance three jobs (and doing it badly, I might add), wondering where in the world my life was going, trying to adjust to a good friend marrying my brother, & feeling very purposeless. It was a somewhat low time in my life. But still good. It has always been a good life. No matter what. I never want to give the impression that serving God isn't worth it. During my year and a half between college & moving to SoCal, I got to be with my dear family, just working and enjoying my nephews & niece, being a fixture in their everyday moments. There was a weekly Wednesday morning coffee date with a kindred spirit. I learned to recognize the subtle shifts in season in the woods near my house from many angsty walks through it. Those trees know more about my inner being than any one person, I suspect. The journey my sister & her husband were on to adopt I got to be a part of. I don't regret any of it. And now (sigh), it's different once again. And will be the rest of my life.

I do miss my family--dreadfully!--but, California's been a wonderful respite from the hectic life I led in Illinois. (I never start these posts intending to get so "feely" and reminiscent, but I've kind of just resigned myself to the fact that that's just how I am when I sit down at a keyboard and the words start pouring out. Sorry.) God knew I needed a little breather before jumping right into being married, & He gave it to me; all wrapped up in golden sunshine, citrus-scented breezes, and a mountain-trimmed view. And when I let little fingers of doubt start picking at my contentment & peace, and when the rest of my family gets together to celebrate my niece's first birthday, & when I realize how life hasn't actually stopped for them just because I'm not around (silly, I know), I remind myself of this: God wouldn't move me halfway across the country if it weren't part of His bigger plan & wouldn't bring honor & glory to Him. 

And I know I will be okay. And so will those I love best. I love you, family! You stubborn, opinionated people, you:)