largeness of heart

I don't think I would describe myself as being big-hearted. I'd like to be. But I don't think I can claim that attribute yet. It's so easy for me to be selfish. My time is usually spent on me, doing things I like to do. I like to be comfortable. And contentment is an everyday battle. To someone looking in from the outside, I'm sure I oughta be slapped for my ungratefulness. I have it all: a lovely home, a sweet, handsome husband, a closely-knit, AWESOME family, no worries about where our next meal's coming from, a stable church, a promised home in heaven, I could go on & on & on.
In a sermon recently, I was struck by something I'd never heard before. And I've been exposed to the Bible my whole life. In I Kings 4:29, besides gaining wisdom & much understanding from God, Solomon was also granted largeness of heart, even as the sands of the sea. Being wise sounds nice, but having largeness of heart appeals to me even more.
I'm not sure what having largeness of heart is exactly. And is it one of those spiritual gifts that God just gives us & we are obligated to exercise it or is it one of those goals to work towards by making effort & dipping into God's supply of grace? I do not claim to be good at it. And my latest attempts at having largeness of heart are puny & I hope I'm not coming across self-righteously. But here they are anyway.

Dar's cousin's family moved into a fixer-upper last summer & it's been a long process of rennovating, shifting things from one room to another, living in a few rooms til everything's completed. In the middle of all this, they had a baby six weeks early & dealt with major health concerns & a long recovery time for mom. I've babysat a few times to try & help out (and honestly, I need something to do besides selfish crafts & baking). I had two of their girls over to my house a couple times now & it's been entertaining both times. We have tea parties--I drink tea, they drink hot chocolate, paint, color, bake, change outfits frequently, model my embarrassingly large scarf collection, play "sunday school" (this game is my favorite. It's hilarious to see what 5-year olds pick up. And what they think the verses to songs really are), & read books. To have them over doesn't really feel like I'm doing all that much; I enjoy it, & I've been so welcomed by their family, I feel it's a small way to repay them. But I suspect that's probably how God intends largeness of heart to feel. Not like a chore at all.

(Notice the variety of outfits: these were all taken the same day.)

Today I was on my way home from my very first Senior Center art class(!!), & I drove past a man with a beat-up van & "need gas money for Bend" sign. Dar & I have talked about how we should handle these situations. I always feel so guilty driving past, but I don't know if giving money is the best way to help either. Then I think, "Who am I to judge what they do with their money? God is only requiring that I am loving & kind & give a cup of cold water in His name." But then, I've been advised by people at the local homeless shelters that the best thing I can do is to send them on the homeless shelter to get some long-term help. So Dar & I decided we'd give money & Bible. (Which is still kind of just a way to relieve our guilt...) Anyway, I'd driven past the man with his sign, & started feeling guilty. I remembered largeness of heart, even as the sands of the sea. So I turned around & asked if I could fill his gas tank. He told me I could, so I did. And I gave him a Bible & clumsily tried to explain that I didn't do it because I was a good person: I did it because Christ is living in me. This man said he believed. He said we all had to be created by something. I wondered the rest of the way home if I'd really done anything at all. It wasn't much. He might've gotten to Bend on the gas I bought him, but then what?

And then, I remembered a thought that had been lingering in my mind from a few Monday musings ago: "Do what you can, where you are. Just do what you can."

I hope I did. And I hope this man knew I didn't do it because I want people to think I'm good. But because God's given me largeness of heart.