Friday, April 21, 2017

berry farm girl

Oh, Fee. You are so perfectly you. I thought I had the perfect little daughter dreamed up: brown curls, hazel eyes, petiteness & sweetness. You are not quite any of those things. No, you are better. 
Quirky & funny & sometimes a little too sensitive. Stubborn & girly & muddle-jumping. Always wanting to help. Warbling songs (only slightly off-key) with lots of hand motions & spinning. Your current favorites are "Only a Boy Named David", "I'm in the Lord's Army", "Happy Birthday (to anyone that comes to mind)" & "Jesus Loves Me".

Very into "baby" & being a big girl. 
Loving the farm life & all that comes with it. Your little boots got absolutely filthy taking these photos, but you didn't care.

"Bucky Boy" is your friend. I don't care for animals, but I do love our dog, & seeing you with him is pretty sweet. 

You call them "daddylions" & exclaim with delight over every one. Going to see the "cowies & the calvies" excites you as much as flowers, & there's nothing you enjoy more than jumping in "muddles".
I tried to take photos of you solo, but it wasn't til Daddy came & helped that we got the real smiles. You love him. You ask every morning where he went.

Yes, Fee, you are perfect just the way you are. And I pray you always know that.

Only seven more weeks til you are no longer my one & only. I'm treasuring these last days with just you. Life will never be the same after our next baby joins our family, but I know it will be good. But for now, my little Fiona, it's still just us:). And I'm soaking it up. Muddles, & fishing, & lots of book reading, commence!

Friday, April 14, 2017

farmlife issue no. 13

There is so much I don't know about plants. But I'm learning from my in-laws. One of the things I appreciate most about my in-laws is their garden. And that it's a family affair. (Of course, everything's kind of a family affair:) ). After the toughest winter since I've been here (and the locals haven't fared any better! Tom said he can't remember a winter so rainy), I got antsy to jumpstart spring & let Fee helped me start some seeds indoors. Too early, I'm sure, but it was so fun! We just transplanted them into some larger containers & she was involved with that, too. 
Mostly we've planted lettuce & tomatoes, but I did sneak in a few flowers. Dar keeps asking me what to do with them next...(no idea). He takes care of what will sustain our bodies, and I take care of the soul-sustaining part. Together, we make a great team, no? Almost four years into marriage, with one child under our belts, teamwork keeps getting more important, and thankfully, more natural. I am so thankful for our friendship & to be as far on the journey as we are! It's so cliche, but it just keeps getting better. 

Fee has been thriving, living right across the road from the farm and all the action. She gets to see her dad quite a bit, & we get out frequently to gather the eggs, scope out the shop, see what flowers are coming up over at Grammy's house, & keeps tabs on the all the fruit trees. The apple, peach, pears, plum, & cherry trees are in full bloom right now & I'm already salivating over the fresh fruit we're going to have at our fingertips! Not to mention the will be a close race to see who can ingest more: me or Fee!

Have I mentioned yet that it was a long winter? And how glad I am to be in spring? With blooms & sunshine (sporadic though it be-it is STILL raining) & the promise of good things coming? Not to mention the joy it has been to watch Fee just blossom into her own opinionated little being (it is joy, however challenging). Besides jumping in "muddles", watering my flowers excessively, insisting on lugging around a "pack-pack" (her back-pack), devouring massive amounts of fresh asparagus, this little girl's latest is this hat. Worn backwards.

We're all growing. With a baby coming the beginning of June, I won't be out in the field much. But with all these seed starts & Fee's involvement, I can't imagine I'll feel purposeless! So much change & growth everywhere I look. But it is good.

Wherever you are, I hope your seeds all start & you get just the right amounts of sun & rain:).

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Transitioning into two

Two. Two years old. Two children. Both terrify me a little. Fiona's always been a pretty good-natured little girl. She didn't give us too much trouble as a newborn & has transitioned well through all the hurdles so far. But two. Two has me whimpering a little. There are tantrums & strong opinions about ridiculous things like pigtails & whether or not she's going to wear pants. There is this new habit of taking off in parking lots when my hands are full & refusing to come back when I ask. There is the bottle. (Oh, the bottle. We loved you & you have served us well. But now...) And after two years of sleeping happily in her crib, she finally figured out how to bail out & came knocking at our door one night. It was a moment of 2 am panic. I'd grown hardened to the occasional bouts of midnight crying, but she would eventually give up & go to sleep. Now, my strategy has been shattered. We decided to just transition her into a toddler bed & accept that she was no longer a baby to stay contained. She is two, after all. So I've been spending portions of every night (multiple times a night) trying to quietly heave my 30 week pregnant self out of a rustle-y, uncomfortable toddler bed after she falls asleep. For the third time. 
And yet, two has been terribly sweet. Even at 3 am, when she comes padding into our room in her little footie pajamas, blankie balled up in her arms, I melt when she whispers, "Mama, come sleep with me." And we go to her little toddler bed & she makes room for me & pats me on the cheek and says, "Stay". And I realize what a privilege it is to be her mother. To see her grow & learn. To want to be like me, I can't quite fathom it. Where I am, she wants to be. 

 On the counter, helping bake. Repeating my phrases. It's so hard to remember her tiny newbornness with all the words, songs, & personality she has. I know my flaws, I know the resentment I carry towards her sometimes for being so needy! I know the relief I feel when she goes down for a nap, that finally, I can get something done! And she loves me in spite of it all. And I her. There is just so much I love about this little nugget!

 She picks me flowers. (All the flowers...) And says, "ooh, bea-ful!"
 And then she tells me, "I'm tired. Want to take a nap." I do have it good, I know.

Two of them though? It's just starting to feel manageable with one! (Besides all the aforementioned challenges...) I don't know how to have two children. I'm not sure I can do this.

And then I tell myself: "You didn't know how to have one." And I know two years, two kids, will be okay. I'm still terrified. I still don't know how I'll do it. There will be tears & mistakes made, & weariness & despair. But there will be joy & growth, learning & forgiveness, too. I look back at how much Fiona has shaped me & shaved off the selfishness & deepened my character. And I know it's been good.

(That said, I'm still terrified. What were some of your wrong expectations about having two kids? What were some of the best adjustments you made to make the transition easier?  Do you have any regrets about how you handled it? How do you fit all the groceries in your cart??

I really would appreciate any and all advice!)